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Lavonia, Georgia: No Strippers, No Water, No Integrity

MG_3019.JPG by real_deth @ Flickr

UPDATE: Elizabeth is also outraged and appalled.

Second UPDATE: Belfair Washington shuts down bikini coffee shop – “The county says the barely covered baristas were erotic entertainment, not allowed in Belfair.”  Stephanie Postier, a resident with her granny panties in an extremely tight knot, says, “You should have blacked out windows.  You should have an age limit to come through something like this.  This is adult entertainment and it is not for our town.”  Meanwhile, I think her top is cut a little too low, and she should be run out of town as well.

The Christian Right’s Ultra-Victorian masochistic obsession with stamping out sex and bare skin has reached new lows of self-denying asshattery in little Lavonia, Georgia.  Watching these morons cut off their noses to spite their scowling faces would be comical, were it not for the fact they seek to force the rest of us to join them in their retarded self-flagellism.

Via the Independent Mail, cometh the words of the Top Tard hisself, Mayor Ralph Owens:

“Several months ago, I proposed we take our reserve fund and pay off the bond fund for the water treatment plant upgrade, which would have resulted in a savings of over $1.2 million dollars in interest payments,” Owens began. “Since then, the city was offered a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get rid of a very undesirable business in Lavonia. The transaction has now been finalized, and we can make history for our city. By purchasing the Cafe Risque property, the city can now rid itself of that terrible business and the awful (Interstate 85) billboard blight (of advertisements for the café).”

The town has been collectively wanking off for years at the thought of those naked bodies out by the interstate interchange.  The club owner, Jerry Sullivan, opened his doors in ’01, and the doors stayed open right up until this past week, two years after his death.

The Independent Mail gets in a few aspersions, cheap shots tossed at a guy who can’t defend himself because he’s dead, accusing Mr. Sullivan of deceiving the City about what sort of (legal either way) business he was intending to open.  I suppose we should just take the word of the reporter for that, beings that he seems to have gotten his information from an obviously objective city council member – that one over there – the one with the really big torch.

What is apparently the tale of city council member David Howell is passed off as fact, without any evidence whatever that the reporter bothered to look any further.  It’s unsurprising that such mindless parroting of authority passes for journalism in the Orwellian America of the Bible Belt, but still depressing.

The heirs of the club eventually decided to sell the club, but refused to sell to the town.  The town of course took the honest and honorable, good Christian high road:

“Then several months ago, we heard the owners were trying to sell it,” [city manager Gary] Fesperman said. “We knew they would never sell it to us, but a third party, who does not want to be identified, offered to buy it for us. Just before noon (Tuesday) we closed on the property, and the keys were turned over to us. They (former Cafe Risque owners) won’t find out until (today) who really bought it.”

The town’s first order of business upon surreptitiously gaining title to the establishment?  Round up the villagers and light the torches.  The Independent Mail even has pictures of this glorious moment in Lavonia History, so check them out!

The news resulted in cheers and a standing ovation from the crowd, who then followed the mayor out to the Cafe Risque site. There, all of the signage was removed from the building by a tractor, dragged to the center of the parking lot and burned in a large bonfire as more onlookers clapped and cheered.

Rumor has it that the library is next.

From whence came the art:

That image is titled IMG_3019.JPG, by real_deth, and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 2.0 license.

Filed under: Fundies, Rants, Religion, , , ,

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