Dream a Little Dream of Me.

i iz in ur panteez drwr

Shakespeare Dawg

i iz 2day gest poet. shh. don tell janiebellezzz!!!1!!11!!!

i iz in ur panteez drwr
eetin up ur panteez,
i iz in ur cubbard drwr
eetin up ur green teaz.

i iz under cofee tablez
chewin on da legz
i iz in da fridgidator
drinkin fwum da kegz.

i iz eetin doggy bonz
n beggin 4 da treetz,
i iz playin fechaball
n walkin down da streetz.

i iz in ur bak yard
poopin on da grass,
i iz rite behind u,
sniffin up ur a$$.

i iz in ur morning fase
messsin up ur hair,
n sneakin in da ofise
humpin’ on da chare!

shakespeare da bard dawg

likkz 4 u fwum mmeeeeeezzzzzz!!!

Filed under: Guest Post, Humor, Poetry, Shakespeare

Narrative Poetry, Guest Post by Deacon Barry

BeowulfBack a while ago, Deacon Barry won his second poetry contest here at UDoJ, and for his troubles he gets the opportunity to present a guest post, without edit, and on any subject he chooses.

I just received it via Email, so straight from my inbox, here it is.

I swear JanieBelle’s got some kind of arcane access to my hard drive. I’ve been sitting with this post on it for a week or so now, trying to work out how to tie it all up, and she posts the very thing I’m talking about – a narrative poem!

Narrative verse is one of the oldest of mankind’s art forms. It enabled our ancestors to transmit their culture orally before writing was invented. Rhythm and rhyme were part of the negative feedback mechanism to keep the information intact against the drift of unreliable memories, until its eventual capture and recording on silicon and paper. Because of this, we still have the epics of Gilgamesh, the Rig Veda, the Mahabarata, and the Iliad.

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Filed under: Blogs In Our MonkeySphere, Friends, Guest Post, Literature, Poetry, Poetry Contests

Sand In Circles, Guest Post by Max Adams

For her winning entry in our most recent poetry contest, I give you Max Adams:

message in a bottle by jason kohThis is an old thought.

I wrote it for siliconsalley.com but that was a long time ago and I thought I would bring it here now.

the place where waves shake sand in circles

I was talking to Emily about doing this column. [Author Note: Emily was the editor who asked me to write the column.] And she said, “It’s about women and internet communication.” And I said, “Oh well I am a woman [no fresh comments about the name, I have a note from my gynecologist to prove it] and it is on the internet and anything I say is communicating so just by virtue of me writing it it is on topic, right?”

And Emily said, “Exactly.”

That made me feel really smart, like I had caught onto something maybe most people hadn’t. Emily is very charming though and with charming people, whenever I feel smart, I have this suspicion I might not really be smart, making me feel smart might just be what is charming about them. Hmm.

Max’s post continues below the fold.

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Filed under: Blogs In Our MonkeySphere, Friends, Guest Post, Literature, Poetry, Poetry Contests

Molly’s new poetic Inspiration? Get Nekked! – Guest Post by Molly Montrevoir

(Or: Eine Klein Sex Music)

For her winning poem in our Twixt Her Naked Breasts poetry contest, I give you Molly Montrevoir’s guest post:

I’ve been tormented for days now by one question:

What does one do when one has the opportunity to use Janie as a mouthpiece? There are so many delicious possibilities. JanieBelle as a mouthpiece. Mmmmmm…

Should I begin a new erotic story about the taste of her skin and the hunger of her lips and the sharpness of her fingernails as they rake across my back.

Or perhaps to wax poetic on the intelligence of Intelligent Design? (Now that would be difficult, but it might be worth it if only for the exasperated look it would no doubt evoke on her beautiful-fictional face!)

Should I post a naked photo or a new erotic poem?

Should I let myself rant about the arbitrary ridiculousness of the “mature” designations that cause my blog to be removed from global tag pages?

Should I recount the very hot, very satisfying playtime I had the other day, on the floor, in front of the mirror, toys and lube arrayed in a semicircle at my’s side, that ultimately left my legs shaking, and relieved that I remembered the towel and prevented an enormous wet spot from soaking the carpet?

There are so very many things I could do with Janie as a mouthpiece. And those are just the ones that involve her blog 😉

I am not going to do those things, though. Those are things that I can do on my blog and can share here, too. So I shall, but later. While I have Janie as a mouthpiece I am going to do something that I have never once done on my own blog. Something that my blog is simply not organized to do. I am going to promote something. I want you to know about a band I have recently discovered and that I absolutely adore.

They’re Nekked. And they’re really the sexiest male vocalists I’ve heard, and their music is the perfect music for fucking to. (See, when one has Janie as a mouthpiece, and Janie’s mouth — or rather her fingers — have already gotten her marked as “mature” one can even say “fuck.”)

But I was raving about Nekked. Nekked is two men, two beautiful, sexy gay men, JC Faust and Sinn. I met them at a party. They are a couple. They are totally head over heels about each other. And they are really brilliant musicians with really sexy voices. I gathered they were into the leather scene. (I love leather boys!) Their first EP cover had a picture of a mouth, wide open, with a ball gag in it. (I loved that photo. I don’t know why that didn’t make it onto the cover of their full length CD, A Barrier of Skin. Sinn? JC? What happened to the ball gag? I mean granted, you couldn’t sing around it, but we could at least enjoy the image!)

They are an indie-electronica-pop kind of duo. They make music that has pounding-driving-electronic-rhythms overlaid with smooth-haunting-seductive-enticing voices. There are times when, listening to their CD again last night, that I felt like they were standing right behind me, whispering in my ear. There were other times when I felt like I was the voyeur, watching them perform intimate acts of self revelation, stripping away layers of themselves. And there were times when I felt like I was being drawn into a powerful collective-erotic ritual.

The music on A Barrier of Skin ranges over an incredibly broad emotional landscape and yet every bit of it has a sexual undercurrent that tugs me along and tosses me from one side of the stream to the other.

There is the beautiful-erotic-wistful “A boy can dream”:

I was dreaming about you/ out there in the waves, / all alone, with the whores/ and gods who are children. / I was dreaming about you, / and slowly I became you, / seeing through your eyes, / hearing through your ears, / and singing through your mouth …

and a boy can dream…

he can dream of boys, / he can dream of girls / of errant moons and perfect worlds / he can dream of all the dreams / that he’s been taught to live without / and he can dream of love, / oh yes he dreams of love / love without doubt.

(click here to listen to a clip)

There is the hauntingly, painfully sad “Sleeping with the lights on, written in memory of Matthew Shephard, the young University of Wyoming student who, in October 1998, was brutally beaten, pistol whipped, bound to a fence and left for dead by two guys who claimed they thought Shephard had come on to them. He was found, barely alive, 18 hours later, and died in the hospital a few days later. His attackers said they had gone temporarily out of their minds because Shephard had come onto them):

eighteen hours, and I’m feeling kind of sick, / feeling somewhat strange. / I remember a car, a truck or a bar / I remember a pistol cracking into my head.

*hey boy, won’t you come along with me, and / I’ll show you how the world ends: / not with a bang, no, not with a bang, / but with a whimper.
(This is all performed with the sound of a heartbeat in the background that becomes dominant just as the song ends. Click here to listen to a clip.)

There is the seductive-angry-introspective-surrender of “Wave that takes me under” (performed with a fast running pulsing pounding beat that made me feel absolutely driven by some unconsciously compelling and universal force):

It’s strange to sit and watch myself do the things I said I’d never do / and it’s easy to regret but so much harder to forget the life I knew / now its buried in the yard, a dirty segret dying hard, a jaded stain / do you remember how we’d laugh until we’d cry / each time we slipped inside that game?

and sometimes I’m a prisoner of my own mind / just flowing in and out with the tide / and I feel like I’ve been waiting here my whole life / for the wave that takes me under one last time.

it’s the whisper in the dark that sends a shiver like a spark through my soul/ it’s the anger from the past reaching out with steely grasp and taking hold/ it’s the rumor of a trust, broken shards of glassy lust in my eyes/ is it acid, is it dust, did my spirit turn to rust, or is it ice

(They have a video for Wave that Takes Me Underthat combines a strangely phallic looking madonna sculpture — the religious icon not the pop star — being threatened by the ocean, red-light xray shots of body parts, and one delightful shot of Sinn — or was it JC Faust — licking the microphone.)

There is the hysterically funny “How come you don’t love me as much as I love myself?” which is really a wonderful commentary on gay men’s personal ads:

I’m VGL so UB2 / don’t waste my time here talking to you / I’m six foot two, blond and blue / well hung and bubble-butt; to god to be true
yeah you know without a doubt / if I could do myself / you know I’d never leave the house.
no S&M, no B&D / no strings, no watersports, and no D&D / don’t bring me hangups, no STDs / don’t bring me anything / that ain’t just like me
yeah you know without a doubt / if I could do myself / you know I’d never leave the house.

(Click here to listen to a clip)

Another amazing thing about Nekked is their ability to cover other songs and transform them into entirely new pieces. Listen to this clip to hear one of my favorite slow, haunting love-song type pieces. It’s actually a cover of the old ABBA song “SOS” but you’ll never recognize it.

I can’t say enough good things about these two incredibly talented men. If you need music to fuck to, get Nekked. If you’re hosting a sex party, get Nekked. If you just want some inspiration for Janie’s next poetry contest, get Nekked.

And then strip off your clothes and dance naked in your living room.

I did!

(And maybe I’ll tell you what happened after that in another blog post…)


Filed under: Blogs In Our MonkeySphere, Friends, Guest Post, Literature, Poetry, Poetry Contests

I Hate Writing Poetry – Guest Post by Deacon Barry

For his winning poem in our Green Green Hills of Earth poetry contest, I give you Deacon Barry‘s guest post:

I hate writing poetry.

I love finishing a poem, reading it over, then letting other people see it. I love standing up in front of an audience and performing the poem. Basically I love being a poet, with all the trimmings.

But the actual writing of the poem, the struggle with my subconscious to bring forth meaning according to arbitrary rules of metre and rhyme – that’s torture!

The problem with writing poetry (or a play, or my blog), is that the really creative stuff is done by my subconscious; but I have no access to its inner workings. I have to wait, grinding my heels, until it feels inclined to throw me a line, like a lord throwing a bone to his wolfhound. When this happens, I get a sudden, transitory, lifting of the spirits, and another piece to add to the edifice that is my slowly emerging poem. But in solving one part of the puzzle, it creates another. How do I find a rhyme for the line I’ve just been given? I then worry at the line, trying to match it with different words, trying different word orders, or trying to work backwards from the line I’ve got to create a whole verse, without too many ands & buts. After struggling with the English language (and sometimes Scots), and forcing it into a rough shape, my subconscious will then recast the whole thing in one fell swoop, ignoring all I’ve worked on, into a thing of elegance.

(You can really go off some people, can’t you?)

And all the while, the rest of the poem lies ahead of me, uncharted and unfathomed. And I have a constant fear that maybe this time I won’t be able to produce anything worth putting out there. But always, like the hero in a cliffhanger, my subconscious secretes another morsel of literary honey, just to entice me further. It does need me : they’re my fingers on the keyboard!

I get more excited when I get to the last verse – the verse that has to tie everything together with the punch line, or money quote. I know that the bulk of the writing is behind me, and I can relax a bit which seems to help my sub’s communications get through that little bit easier.

And then I’m finished.

I sit back with a big smile. Of course, there are still minor edits to do, but I’m in control there. It’s the writing that I’m not in full control over. I just have to follow where my subconscious takes me.

It’s frightening.

It’s frustrating.

It’s fun.

Filed under: Blogs In Our MonkeySphere, Friends, Guest Post, Literature, Poetry, Poetry Contests

Tripoli Six Sentenced To Death

I suppose we all knew this was going to happen. This is what happens when science and reality are beholden to politics.

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Filed under: Biology, Education, Fundies, Guest Post, Politics, Rants, Religion, Science

Open Message to Fundies

Guest post by Rich Hughs

Hey Fundies, shut up! – It’s for your own good. Let’s assume that you are actually on the right path and there is a god and all that, why go and spoil it all by being such bad adverts for your cause?

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Filed under: Friends, Fundies, Guest Post, Rants, Religion

The Creation – Guest Post by Blipey!!!

The Beginning of the World: the true history of its design

In the beginning there was only a medium-beige: all-encompassing, but decidedly soft and comforting. Now the medium-beige was content in its existence, but lonely. One day—exact time still unknown, but certainly between 6,000 years and forever ago—It decided to design something to complement its beige-ness.

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Filed under: Astronomy, Biology, Blogs In Our MonkeySphere, Education, Friends, Fundies, Guest Post, Humor, Religion, Science

How A Theory Begins

Originally posted at the Science, Just Science Forums (where you can see the evolution of the piece) the girls have allowed me to Guest Post this.

Thanks, girls.

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Filed under: Biology, Education, Fundies, Guest Post, Religion, Science, Science Links

Is God As Real As Gravity?

Guest Post by Lifewish (for winning the JanieBarf Office Pool)
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Filed under: Corporal Kate, Friends, Guest Post, Humor, Religion, Science

Sex in the Public Square

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The Lilith Quotient

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The Lilith Quotient by JanieBelle McKnight is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution- Noncommercial- No Derivative Works 3.0 License.

Attribution should be made to JanieBelle McKnight, and contain a link to this blog.


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