Dream a Little Dream of Me.

Ftk – Private Eye

Blogging on Pseudo-Scientific Douche-BagsThanks Janine. This made my morning. You get TWO peeks above our garters and a big wet tongue kiss on the steps of the courthouse, just to make Ftk’s skin crawl.

Ftk has apparently just been clued in to the fact that I’m a fictional girl. That’s too funny.

(Click to embiggen the image, or read the transcript below.)

Ftk, Private Eye

The transcript is below the fold…

  1. JanieBelle,

    Long time no see. How is our internet Darwinist Tranvestite doing these days. Ed Brayton informs us that you’re really a dirty old man pretending to be a young lady on the net.

    Are you going to go all the way like theistic Darwinist John Roughgarden?

    LOL…now that there is funny. I didn’t pay much attention to Lou over at AtBC when I first started posting, but I kept hearing about “Janibelle” and fell upon “her” blog when reading some comments at Kristine’s (amused muse) blog. I honestly thought “she” was for real….had no clue it was a guy writing as a lesbian. He has another blog for Janibelle’s little “friend”, “Corporal Kate”.

    I was clueless for several months that “Lou” had multiple personality disorder. Shoot, I even ran across a *real* picture of him in a lovely red dress posing on his own blog.

    I’m not sure how many blogs he has….at least three.

    Comment by Ftk — January 4, 2008 @ 12:31 am

  2. Here you go…found them. For your viewing pleasure, here are a few pictures of Lou/Janiebelle/Corporal Kate:One, Two, ThreeEnjoy…Comment by Ftk — January 4, 2008 @ 12:46 am
  3. Just thinking that after that last comment I made, I’ll probably get banned from AtBC *again*. Lou’s moderating over there now.Comment by Ftk — January 4, 2008 @ 12:50 am

She really is every little bit as dumb as the AtBC boys and girls say she is.

This amazing discovery is in the right sidebar of every single page of this blog (I am entirely fictional, and without sexual preference). The story is linked in the left sidebar of every single page of this blog. (All Good Things, the very first link in the Classic Dreams section.) It’s in the right sidebar of every single page on The Boy‘s blog. It was on the front page of Dispatches From The Culture Wars. It’s in The Boy‘s signature at AtBC, and thus appears at her favorite hangout no less than 1472 times.

It was a major embarrassment for DaveScot, Billy D., and Gil Dodgen (in whose heart I hold a special place!) at Uncommonly Dense. When I first showed up there at UD, Sal was making eyes at me so bad I thought I was going to die laughing. Larry the Crazy Falafelman Farfarman was on my blog like two seconds after my first post, and the first unsolicited email from him came a second later.

It was on this blog that DaveScot coined the AtBC moniker “Church Burnin’ Ebola Boys”, and called Denyse O’Leary “the smarmy Canadian cross dresser”… wait, let me quote the whole, classic comment

I hate to disappoint the church burnin’ ebola boys but I won’t be commenting on UD in the future. I just told the smarmy Canadian cross dresser to go fuck itself in an email. It would have banned me in any case as it’s nowhere near as cool as Bill Dembski. The stick up its disgusting ass could make a redwood feel inadequate. I’m going to go ahead and forgive Bill for this monumental brainfart as he’s going through some long term bad shit on the homefront with a sick child. I felt bad about bailing out on him at a time like this but he forced my hand. No big deal. I had a few extra hours today to finish rebuilding the carbs on my jetboat (it’s back together and running great) and throw a ball in the water for my puppy. He’s napping at my feet on the houseboat at the moment. I think we’ll go out for a swim and then take the jetboat for a longer validation run.

P.S. if my dog was as ugly as the Canadian cross dresser I’d shave his ass and teach him to walk backwards.

HAHAHA – I kill me sometimes!

This was big news … eighteen months ago. I’m sure the re-opening of the wounds caused by the abject failure of The Design Detection Filter will be much appreciated by the morons over at Uncommonly Dense. Nice job, Ftk. You’re an idiot, and you don’t belong anywhere near a school, let alone have the brains or education to be dictating science to scientists.

And no, Ftk. AtBC will not ban you for the stupid things you say at other web venues. Those types of censorious policies are prevalent on the creationist sites like Young Cosmos, Reasonable Kansans and Uncommon Descent. You’re confused. If you were going to be banned for being a complete moron, there are currently 1132 perfectly fine examples of your complete lack of ability to reason at AtBC from which to choose. Any one of them would do.

Yes, we all find you a bore. Yes, you are both infantile and dumber than a goddamned rock. Yes, you are annoying, insulting, unreasonable, clueless, vile, condescending with no discernible reason for being so, offensive, childish, and … did I mention dumb?

But I have it on good authority that The Boy has no intention of feeding your Monumental Martyrdom Complex. So keep nailing yourself to your cross at every opportunity, Mary. Your deliberate attempts to get yourself banned occasionally generate entertaining responses, if nothing else.


P.S. You’re just jealous that The Boy has a better figure than you (I think he looks great, and he wore it for a damned good reason full backstory here). Also, you’re just mad because the UD boys were all swooning over me first. That makes you sloppy seconds.

Ta ‘gain.

Filed under: About, BPSDB, Fundies, Humor, Religion, , ,

38 Responses

  1. JanieBelle says:

    OH lookie! Oddly enough, the trackback widget has disappeared from Young Cosmos!

    Guess Ftk and Slimy Sal don’t care for anyone to read what normal people have to say about their dishonest, dirtbag blog.

    shocked. shocked i tell you.

  2. Mister DNA says:

    I’m really looking forward to FtK’s shocking discovery announcing that there really aren’t little people inside the television. After all, I’m sure she’s open-minded to both the Broadcasting Theory and the Little People Theory of television.

    *sigh* I’m gonna miss the “Recent Comments” sidebar at YC.

  3. Janine says:

    I have to admit, I did not know how deep the back story was. I guess I need to enter the time machine. I just thought FtK was clueless because of everything laid out here. I did not know just how much stuff went past her. Perhaps all of those “kids” she is trying to “protect” should try to guide her.

    Thank you for the public display of affection!

  4. JanieBelle says:

    Mister D,

    It’s apparently returned, or perhaps wasn’t loading correctly earlier.

    You can feel better now.



    Yeah, it’s not like it’s a big secret (nor has it been since September 2006).

    You should take a look around and see just how deep the rabbit hole really is!

    And you’re welcome. PDAs are my specialty.

    Have another.

  5. You look stunning in that red dress but most of all I LOVE and COVET those sandals! I wants them precious yes I do.

    The reason for the red dress was moving, I’m blinking back tears.

    As for FtK, she gives morons a bad name. Truly clueless and dumber then a box of rocks.

  6. Janine says:

    Get ready for more laughter.



    Awesome Job finding that pic of Lou!

    Great investigative reporting.


    Comment by scordova — January 4, 2008 @ 11:48 am

    Damn! I almost feel bad for laughing at the stupid! Almost!


  7. Great? investigative? reporting?

    The only way it could be easier to find pictures of the boy in the red dress would be if JanieBelle put up large neon flashing links at every site she ever posted at. Of course it would probably still have taken FtK several days to find the pictures.

    These people given complete morons a bad name and complete morons are rare.

  8. JanieBelle says:

    Hi Natasha,

    I’ll be sure to pass your compliments along to The Boy, I’m sure he’ll be appreciative.

    Alas, Cousin Suzanne claimed dibs on the shoes for a friend, a fella who will get much more use from them. They have a good home in Delaware.

    Re: Ftk



    Yeah, The Boy posted that at AtBC earlier today. He’s been hogging the computer trying to keep Ftk from turning every thread over there into an “All about Ftk’s moral superiority” thread.

    She’s a narcissistic, self-absorbed, self-martyring, smarmy, brain-dead bitch, and she’s doing everything she can to provoke The Boy into banning her so she can nail herself to her big public cross. Mostly he’s just pointing and laughing at her, then sending her comments to the BW when they’re off topic.

    It so sucks to be her.

    Kisses to you both.

  9. What??????????????

    You’re not real? Then who’s garter have I been peeking above all this time? Oh no! Thank God somebody was astute enough to break this story wide open.


  10. JanieBelle says:


    I most certainly AM real!

    I’m just… “biologically challenged”?

    “A Disembodied Telic Entity”?

    “cranially co-habitating”?

    Cogito, ergo sum. So there.


    Warm kisses, Javier. Good to see you.

  11. Janine says:

    I followed the various links. WOW! Just the brief exposure to the likes of FtK, Sal and others is enough to make my skin crawl. I cannot understand why people at AtBC keep egging on FtK except as a joke. And she goes along with it.

    I really liked the Gil Dodgen, Janie Belle, bit. It is not as if the nickname of Belle is that uncommon. Those of us of a certain age have great fondness for the Al Green song, “Belle”. Also really liked this bit.

    But this is just the beginning, Denton also makes an interesting observation about human technology. What if metals could not be smelted in the temperatures achievable with carbon-based fire? In this case, technology could never have been developed.

    The universe and living things are clearly rigged, from top to bottom.

    Yet an other ‘just so’ story. If humans were unable to smelt iron with fire, humans would have developed technology in other directions. How can he think this is a profound thought?

    I guess I am happy you can put up with it. I like to read the reports and laugh. But to face this everyday?

    please note that the author of the silly passage has run away from her computer, screaming and pulling out her hair

  12. JanieBelle says:

    Oh Janine, do come back, you crack me up.

    Ftk is still defending Sal to the death, but she’s also trying to direct the conversation away, I guess in the hopes that everyone will just get distracted and forget it.

    Why they do it? Lots of reasons, I guess. One, she’s actually dangerous. Ftk is the type of person that (and I think I recall her actually intimating that she was going to attempt) runs in and wins school board elections in order to force her religion onto unsuspecting and innocent children. She’s just the kind of idiot that caused the Dover trial. And Dover was neither the first nor the last time these little brush fires have had to be stomped out.

    Were it up to the Ftks of the world, we would be living in a 15th century theocracy. So it’s helpful to be able to have on hand a record of the true intentions of her ilk so that when the ACLU, and Americans United, and the NCSE walk into a courtroom to the sound of “Oh, no! No religion here! It’s Science all the way down!!!”, they have the contrary evidence in spades.

    William “I never said creationism” Buckingham is a wonderful case in point. (Have you seen my video?)

    A bonus to that is that as long as she’s at her keyboard showing her ass, she’s not out campaigning for office, school board or otherwise. People like her have no business being in charge of the supply cabinet, let alone other people in any capacity.

    Further, there are a LOT of people who read that forum on a regular basis, but never even register. “The Lurkers” Many of them may be uninformed as to what the real issues are in The War On Science. It’s imperative that the true nature and motivations of the IDCH crowd be laid bare for all to see. The science may go over most people’s heads, but when it’s evident that all the pushers are scam artists and all the users are brain-dead sycophants who regularly lie for Jesus, they get the picture.

    That of course isn’t what makes the IDCH wrong scientifically, the IDCH falls on its own (lack of) merit. In that sense, AtBC makes sure that the propagandists aren’t allowed to buzz the media unchallenged. The Discovery Institute is nothing more than a PR machine, but it’s a well oiled, well financed PR machine.

    Think of AtBC denizens as public servants, doing a tough job, for no money, based on moral and ethical principles alone, so you and I don’t have to bow down to Seattle five times a day and recite prayers to the likes of William Dembski and Howard Ahmanson.

    Plus, every time Ftk gets near her keyboard, she makes the baby Jesus cry. That resonates with the Church Burnin’ Ebola Boys.


  13. Berlzebub says:

    What?!!! You’re not real!! Damn. I’ll really have to grovel to get Princess to take me back, now. 😀

  14. blipey says:

    Yes, Ftk has now climbed to number one on my “Morons to Visit” list. She has tupped topped JoeG and DaveScot. Though, DS still owes me.

  15. Janine says:

    Humm….Just laid out your motives for the likes of FtK to find. She just might find your statements in a couple of years and be very upset with you. You know, with the great Private Dick skills she has. (Did I just say that?)

    While you all may be doing a public service, I also think you all have fun baiting her. Not that you need much bait to entice her. I could not stand constantly communicating with her. I have more intellectually fulfilling conversations with my three year old nephew. Also, my nephew is still willing to learn. And he has a better sense of humor.

    I guess I shall continue to be the semi-hidden lurker who laughs in the background.


  16. JanieBelle says:

    Berlzebub Dear,

    See here.



    Heh, good luck collecting from that coward DaveScot. I’m only undecided on whether he’s more full of himself, full of cowardice, or full of shit.

    It’s kind of a close call.


    Admittedly, there may be some enjoyment in the “baiting”. It’s not like she doesn’t make it easy to enjoy, however.

    It’s kind of like a video game. Taking down arguments from the likes of Dembski requires a modicum of skill and knowledge, some research (like Barbara Forrest’s, for example), and could be likened to setting the skill level on a video game at “moderate”.

    Exposing Sal and Ftk as liars, frauds, and without scruples or ethics is like taking a break and setting the skill level to “win with your eyes closed and one hand in your pants”.

    Not that there’s anything wrong with closing your eyes and putting one hand in your pants, mind you.


    Kisses to you all.

  17. Deacon Barry says:

    It took me a couple of months before I read the back story and realised the sidebar note was meant to be taken literally. I was a bit sad that the person I’d built up in my mind wasn’t quite who I thought they were, but then I realised, there was still a real person writing all these posts, someone I could relate to on an intellectual level.
    When I read the history, I understood the reason why JanieBelle and Corporal Kate came to be. Now Sherlock Holmes, James Bond and Captain Kirk may be fictional, but they still exist. They have their own distinct personalities. And JanieBelle, you’ve got personality in spades. To me you’re real.
    PS To let you into a little secret, I’m not really a deacon.

  18. Janine says:

    They have a name for all of the winners in the world
    And I want a name when I lose
    They call Alabama the Crimson Tide
    Than call me Deacon Blue

  19. JanieBelle says:

    Hello Deacon,

    Well said, and thank you.

    When it comes right down to it on these networks of wires and tubes, are we all not avatars of our true selves, somewhat representative constructs of what we which to be?

    Even in the Meat-O-Verse, do we (and by “we” I suppose I mean “all of you”) expose all our flaws and realities to every passer-by? Upon meeting someone for the first time, do we expect them to introduce themselves with “Hello. I’m a slightly neurotic 25 year old carpenter with a penchant for cheesesteaks and a stack of porn that would make my mama cry. I can’t drive worth a crap and I think Paris Hilton is a dipshit with no redeeming qualities. I once romped around with three women in their college dorm room and woke up naked in the quad, and couldn’t remember any of their names.”?

    I think we’re about to slip into “smoke some weed and examine our hands” territory. 😛


    P.S. I knew that.

  20. JanieBelle says:

    Hi Janine

    You must have commented as I was composing my navel-gazing missive, and I missed it.

    I didn’t get the reference at first, but Teh Google is my friend.



  21. Marteen says:

    Do not know about this Ftk thing that you people talk about. It seems to be some sort of North American beast of limited inteligence. Do you have a shooting season where it can be eliminated?

  22. JanieBelle says:

    No Marteen, we don’t. We only shoot them with rubber bands and paper clips.

  23. Janine says:

    Marteen, fundie christians depend on believing that they are being oppressed and prosecuted. Threatening to shoot them, even if it is in jest, only feeds into their martyr complex. It also feeds into their paranoia. Best to just point out where they are wrong and laugh. And they are wrong about quite a bit.

  24. Mister DNA says:

    What you say is true, Janine, but I’d add that pointing out that FtK is wrong and laughing also feeds her martyr complex.

  25. Berlzebub says:

    @ JanieBelle

    When it comes right down to it on these networks of wires and tubes, are we all not avatars of our true selves, somewhat representative constructs of what we [wish] to be?

    Most eloquently put, JB. You get an upper-persuasion for that one.

  26. Janine says:

    Why thank you Mister DNA. Now if only FtK knew you were on the smart patrol and could actually use a search engine, she would really hate your name.

    mr. kamikazi mr. dna
    he’s an altruistic pervert
    mr. dna mr. kamikazi
    he’s here to spread some genes

    A fun little band called The Didjits did a great cover of the song.

  27. JanieBelle says:

    Pretty much everything feeds her martyrdom complex… including both speaking to her and ignoring her.


    Thank you sir, both for the compliment, and for catching my egregious abuse of the language. In my defense let me just say that I haven’t been able to spend a great deal of time or take a lot of care.

    Things been a little hectic here.

  28. blipey says:

    Pretty much everything feeds her martyrdom complex… including both speaking to her and ignoring her.

    Exactly, so can we go back to the talk about shooting please? It’s far more entertaining to see her most vociferous whine. Also, she sticks her foot in her mouth slightly more often (100% of the time as opposed to 99% of the time) when she really feels offended. She must throw the best cocktail parties ever.

    Not that she drinks, or cusses, or carouses, that’d be immoral. Oh wait.

  29. Mister DNA says:


    It’s always great to hear from another Devo fan. I’m familiar with the Didjits, but only through their connection to the Supersuckers. Clawhammer covered Devo’s entire Q: Are We Not Men? album, and Poison Idea does a great cover of “Blockhead”. I’ll have to find that Didjits cover.

    What would FtK do if she heard “Jocko Homo”? The name alone is enough to give her an aneurysm…

  30. JanieBelle says:

    Kate’s a big fan of Whip It.


  31. JanieBelle says:


    The slime just drips when she’s steamed, doesn’t it?

  32. Janine says:

    Mister DNA,

    I love the first version of “Jocko Homo”.

    About Mark Mothersbough’s dancing, please keep in mind this was a few years before The Talking Heads’ “Once In A Lifetime”.

    You can find The Didjits’ cover on “Full Nelson Reilly”.
    Damn, has been that long?

    Funny, about the only Supersuckers I have listened to was when they backed up Steve Earle for “Here I Am”.

    So, Corporal Kate is a fan of “Whip It”? That is almost entering into the land of stereotype.

  33. JanieBelle says:

    Not really, Janine. She actually doesn’t care for the song, I was just clowning.


  34. Marteen says:

    Thanks for your attempts to enlighten me JanieBelle and Janine. I am now aware that Ftk and Sal are sad fundies with the combined brain power of a sandwich. Do they have fuller names or would that be giving them too much press?

  35. JanieBelle says:


    Sal writes as “Salvador Cordova” although I’ve never cared enough to find out if that’s his real name or a pseudonym.

    Ftk is short for “For The Kids” and that’s all I’ve got for her, and the less I know, the better my stomach feels about that.

    They are each infamous under those names, all over.


  36. Marteen says:

    Thanx JanieBelle and Janine. I appreciate both your inputs. I have something I need to sort out between a couple of ladys in my life. I revere them both and I don’t want them to scratch each others eyes out. I will hopefully be back if things settle down.

  37. JanieBelle says:

    Hurry back, and come back with everyone’s eyes intact, if possible.

  38. Marteen says:

    I have still to hear from a certain Texan lady who said she would phone me. I am not sure what she has to say, but I am intrigued to know. I am sure it will not end in “handbags at dawn” but I want to be cool with those I have affection for. However that manifests itself. I will certainly tell you how it turns out.

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