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The Witness In The Window – Voting Thread

Witness

We’ve gone to the well one more time with this poetry contest. As usual, the winning entry will get to post a guest post on UDoJ, on any subject of your choice and without edit.You all wrote some beautiful stuff in response to Quietly Naked In The Pouring Rain, and a bit of narrative emerged spontaneously.

Kristine’s entry moved me, and Deacon Barry’s winning counterpoint to that gave us the view of the incident from the husband. Max then whomped us with the final words of the dying lover.

Adding to the story line of the Cheating Wife, the Murderous Husband, and the Dying Lover, I wanted to get one more view of this incident and then I will make a page here on UDoJ to display them all together.

A refresher of the scene and the answers to the challenge are below the fold.

First, the scene thus far:

Kristine

Quietly naked in the pouring rain,
that tree stands like my memory of you
at tne edge of a promise spoken anew.
Sky and mist and earth mixed again,
but now mixed with tears and empty hands
No voice answers mine, no thunder even
No questions to ask for no answers given,
where you once kissed me just that tree stands.
Beneath that tree where once we had lain
is a tangle of roots that know dark history
in their wordless winding they bind you to me,
quietly standing in the pouring rain.

Deacon Barry

Quietly, naked in the pouring rain
I’m waiting as you frantically explain
To your angry husband, waving in the air
Those crumpled jeans you sought to hide in vain.

His sharp demands, accusing stare
Your evasions, sobbed despair
How long did this deception last?
This sick, despicable affair?

Your lover’s breaths are faint and fast
And now your time with him is passed.
Your husband screams like one insane
And from his hand his ring is cast.

Your lover knows no more of pain.
His opened throat – a crimson drain.
I clean my blade and watch him die
Quietly naked in the pouring rain.

max

if i had known this
that i would die — ever cripes
i would drown you first

But what is the view from another eye? In my mind I’m picturing the scene:

The Husband has just caught the Wife cheating with the Lover, in flagrante delicto. The argument that winds up outside the home in the pouring rain results in murder of the Lover. There stands the Wife above the body of her dead Lover, clothed in nothing but the dark night and the cold rain, staring at the Husband.

There is a witness to these events. A child watches from the upstairs window.

The entries from you:

Deacon Barry
Posted July 31, 2007 at 8:57 am

Mr Pazoo

Mr Pazoo, Mr Pazoo,
Sneak to me
Speak to me,
What did you do?

It’s Saturday night.
It’s pouring with rain.
Mummy and Daddy
Are fighting again.
Mummy’s best friend
Is waiting outside.
He hasn’t got clothes on.
He’s trying to hide.
Daddy was out.
They thought I was sleeping.
They kissed and they cuddled.
I know. I was peeping.
Mr Pazoo promptly
Picked up the phone.
In a voice sounding like me, said,
“Daddy! Come home!”

Mr Pazoo, Mr Pazoo,
Sneak to me
Speak to me,
What did you do?

Mr Pazoo
Is my very best friend
He says he’ll be close to me
Right to the end
His fingers are scissors
His eyeballs are red
He lives in a dungeon
Right under my bed
He makes lots of mischief.
He says it’s a game.
Whenever he’s naughty,
I get the blame.
But I know that he loves me
He’ll always be true
He’ll always protect me
Will Mr Pazoo

Mr Pazoo, Mr Pazoo,
Sneak to me
Speak to me,
What did you do?

Mummy and Daddy
Are getting irate
But the man in the garden’s
The person I hate
If he wasn’t here
They wouldn’t get mad
They wouldn’t shout at me
I wouldn’t feel sad
He’ll always protect me
He knows what to do
That man’s got a meeting
With Mr Pazoo
His fingers are scissors
His eyeballs are red
The man has his throat cut
And now he is dead.

Mr Pazoo, Mr Pazoo,
Sneak to me
Speak to me,
WHAT DID YOU DO?

d.vrai
Posted July 31, 2007 at 9:33

Quietly Naked In The Pouring Rain, The Child In The Window

I saw mommy kissing Santa Clause
underneath my window on that night.
I heard their beating hearts
their murmurs in the dark.

At least…
Until daddy stumbled on the scene
I smelled the remnants of his fling.
Scent of bourbon rising fast
through sheets of storm’s blast.

With a flash daddy fisted the suitor’s white hair!
with a crack his head dashed curb’s edge!

I remember…
Santa’s suit fell as water in the gutter,
a brighter red I’ve never seen.

How I miss Christmas.

Winner gets a guest post here at UDoJ on any topic of your choice, without edit. Voting will take place between now and 11:59 PM EDT (GMT -4 BST -5) August 7.

In the comments below, please vote on Quietly Naked In The Pouring Rain, The Child In The Window.

Where the artwork comes from-
::That image is Girl by Chris Wahl – click the link for videos of him drawing her!::

Filed under: Literature, Poetry, Poetry Contests

14 Responses

  1. d.vrai says:

    vote: the deacon

  2. Martyne says:

    Seriously loved them both. Wish I could write great shit like they can. My vote goes to Deacon.

  3. Martyne says:

    Love them both, but I vote for Deacon.

  4. Martyne says:

    My first vote vanished into cyberspace so I made the second one. Strange goings on. Please count both my votes as one. It is only fair.

  5. JanieBelle says:

    Sorry, it was a very late night here, I didn’t go to bed until 5 AM.

    Both votes so far tallied and posted in the sidebar.

    Kisses

  6. Martyne says:

    My Internet connection has been playing silly buggers for the last twelve hours. When I woke up at 5.00 am here (00.00 EDT) it had totally crashed. Got it sorted now and I apologise for any problems caused yesterday. To clarify, I give one vote, in total, to Deacon Barry.

  7. Diana says:

    My vote goes to Deacon. However they were both very good, better than what I could have done.

  8. JanieBelle says:

    So let it be written.

  9. JanieBelle says:

    ACK!

    I just read through the thread again, and realized I counted one of the votes wrong. Sorry, I’ll correct that now.

    Apologetic kisses.

  10. […] Little Hours Left To Vote In the Witness in the Window Poetry Contest. (Go to that thread to read the two entries and to […]

  11. JanieBelle says:

    Voting on this contest is closed. Keep an eye out for our next contest!

  12. […] The winner of our fifth poetry contest is Deacon Barry! His prize is a guest post here on UDoJ, on any topic of his choice. And since we’re de-listed from WordPress anyway, and all “MATURE CONTENT” and all, I’ve even removed the proscriptions on “The F Bomb” and pornography. […]

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Order of the Science Scouts

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