Doctors today removed five small polyps from the smarter end of His Highness, The Glorified Houseplant Who Would Be Caesar. They also managed to locate the head of Vice Emperor Dick, although they were unable to extricate it. Meanwhile, the crack smoking shot Vice Emperor was left in charge of the country for two hours and managed not to instigate any new wars or “accidentally” shoot anybody else.
(Click photo to enlarge illustration of location of polyps, WMDs, and Dick’s Head.)
Asked how he managed to not make anything in the world worse than it already has been by his unconscious boss for two entire hours, the Vice Emperor replied, “I was handcuffed to a steam pipe before the procedure began.”
(Continued below the fold.)
An in-depth investigation by Attorney Dictator General Alberto Gonzales into the handcuff incident revealed that no one in the administration was responsible – for anything – ever. Gonzales said that charges would be immediately filed against random citizens “who look a little too foreign”. The keys to the handcuffs have yet to be found, and several contractors contacted by the White House have declined to open them.
Millions of Americans breathed a simultaneous sigh of relief at the news, which exacerbated the global climate change problem. Gonzales indicated that a few thousand scientists and Democrats would have been arrested and tortured at Gitmo for this, except that global climate change was as much a myth as “that Constitution fantasy” so he would have to think up new charges.
Meanwhile, after awakening the Almighty Asshole President Bush held a news conference wherein he said, “I’d just like to thank Jesus for helping me to find the source of the WMD’s in Iraq. They were in my butt, hidden there by Iranian terrorists.”
Jesus could not be reached for comment.
thats pretty hilarious. Any word on whether they found my shoe?
Witty, and sexy. You are some girl JanieBelle.
Most excellent. Funny because my hard core Republican boyfriend (God bless his ignorant and misguided soul) said, “I hope we evade Iran while Bush is gone.”
UGH!
Ooops – invade. Sorry. Got it mixed up with thinking of how I’m going to evade this relationship!
Heh heh. Thank you all. I cracked myself up with that one.
cj,
There’s no word on your shoe, although I have it on suspect authority that an armload of odd socks may have been located.
You crack me up, Stil.
Kisses to all three of you.
[…] found some funny stuff. In fact this one had me rollin. I’ve been to the blog before, and it tends to be quite amusing. This one […]
Dare I say it :
“That cracks me up!”
(actually, what the doc said to the Bush)
~~he’s tight like that. His favorite position. (Praise the Lord, and Pass the Ammunition!)
xx,b/adam
😆
Man butt that was funny.
Is this our silver lining? We get to read and hear reports about the houseplant’s anal probing??
sigh
Though funny, I still want more out of my President.
Perhaps it would be more interesting if it were aliens doing the probing.
🙂
Read this one again and I think it is one of your finest. You can be such a funny lady if you want to be. How can anyone take George Wobbleu Bush seriously. It’s very scary.
*blush*