I’m about to say something that might not be so popular here in The United States. I know, it’s hard to believe that your heroine (sorry but I kinda like some girly words – I revel in my femininity) might occasionally say something unpopular.
I’ve come up with a way to cut fossil fuel emissions by like a gazillion percent, and I want to see it made law.
See that big honkin SUV right there? That’s a GMC Yukon Denali XL, and I sorta know this lady that drives one. Her husband drives a pick-up. A great big shiny extended cab one, with big ol’ tires on it, and that extra set of tires in the back. As it happens, they aren’t very nice people in general, just as an aside. They’re rather pushy and rude, and walk around with an air of entitlement about them. Perhaps that’s why they drive these two beasts that get twelve miles to the gallon of gas, and why they drive them the way they do. I see them rather frequently on the road, and it’s rather frightening to watch them drive like maniacs, and then scream at people who get in their way. Anyone who’s going less than twenty miles an hour over the speed limit seems to be particularly singled out for their single fingered wrath, accompanied by tailgating, flashing headlights, and blaring horn.
Anyways, they’re wreckin’ the planet for no good reason. I was once trapped into a conversation with them, and during the conversation the subject of gas prices came up. Both of them began this huge whiny lament about the price of gas.
I, being who I am and all, asked why they didn’t just get smaller vehicles. Did they need the behemoths? Does the dad haul much stuff around? No. They were aghast that I even suggest that he put anything in the bed of the truck. It might scratch the paint, and he doesn’t like the look of a bed liner! They have one kid, she’s ten years old. The mom doesn’t pick up the kids for soccer practice, doesn’t deliver stuff for a living (she’s a stay-at-home mom). Does mom have occasional need for a lot of passengers? God forbid! Hauling people around, she’d have to have it detailed all the time, and they couldn’t just go throwing money away like that!
So why do they drive them? They like ’em. They’re big, and they can see over traffic better, plus they’re pretty. And besides, this is AMERICA! We’re allowed to drive whatever car we want here!
Idiots. Maybe that’s the problem. I have a solution, it’s below the fold.
The JanieBelle Act:
Just like the annual safety inspection sticker and annual emissions sticker that are required to go on your windshield, every vehicle must have an annual mileage sticker as well. Every road in America becomes like an HOV (High Occupancy Vehicle) lane, where cars and SUVs that get under 35 mpg are only permitted on the road if they’re carrying five or more people. Pickup trucks must have a full load, with a legitimate purpose.
Violation of this law carries the death sentence.
People who routinely cut other people off, tailgate, drive on the side of the road because they can’t be bothered to wait in line with everybody else, and use the threat of the large vehicle to force themselves into traffic aren’t allowed to have drivers’ licenses in the first place.
Oh, and rude idiots should be sterilized forcibly. (That last part can be added as a rider or amendment in committee.)