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God Speaks To Kent Hovind

Blogging on Pseudo-Scientific Douche-BagsApparently Kent Hovind, liar, scam artist, tax-evader, and convicted criminal has taken to blasphemy and slander of the Big Kahuna. Forgery and identity theft of a deity has to be on top of the no-no list, doesn’t it?

His latest prevarication is rather over the top. A peek above our garters to Rev. Big Dumb Chimp, for pointing us to the response from The Real, Actually True Almighty God, excerpted below the fold.

I am not Kent Hovind’s cellmate.

Creationist criminal Kent Hovind, who is serving a much-publicized prison sentence for large-scale tax evasion, has just published an alleged conversation with Me. I know I’ve made Myself scarce lately, but this slander forces Me to break My silence and clear the record. I am not, nor have I ever been, incarcerated in a federal penitentiary. More importantly, I do not love Kent Hovind.

The conversation Hovind published is a complete fabrication, but I wish to single out several portions for divine disavowment anyway:

Click here to read the rest of God’s response.

Filed under: Blogs In Our MonkeySphere, BPSDB, Fundies, Humor, Religion,

18 Responses

  1. WhoreChurch says:

    Oh man, that is just too much. I couldn’t even handle reading it.

    So now are we going to see a bunch of license plates saying “God is my Cellmate”?

  2. old knudsen says:

    God is very often found in prison by various scumbags, its good that the Almighty is held accountable for the apathy he shows which leads to children being abducted etc, when judgement cums I will hold him up to be judged, not me.

  3. JanieBelle says:

    Oh, can I bang the gavel thingy?

  4. JanieBelle says:

    It took me a few attempts to get all the way through it myself, Kevin.

    blech.

  5. Amanda says:

    Hrm. That makes me mad (the response, not the original exchange).

  6. JanieBelle says:

    Are you seriously saying that you’re angry with some random internet guy who puts words in god’s mouth, but not with a convicted criminal and world renowned scam artist doing exactly the same thing?

    At least Random Internet Guy is funny, and not hurting anyone or scamming money from the ignorant and innocent.

    Amanda dear, I know you’ve been struggling lately, but stop and think about that for a second. Just because someone says that god is speaking to them, doesn’t mean he really is.

    Check out Kent Hovind a little bit. Google is your friend. Don’t just trust me on this, look it up. If he’s hearing voices it’s because he hasn’t taken his meds.

  7. nate says:

    Just because someone says that god is speaking to them, doesn’t mean he really is. Totally.

    Is this a factual transcription of a conversation with God? Obviously, not by a long-shot.

    Creative writing? Maybe. (although i have an LP of a purported ‘phone call with god’ from the 50’s, so this is not really creative in any sense.)

    Crazy as all-get-out? Most def.

    and Hovind even mis-labeled this as an Email with Dad – er, God…

    he’s gone batshit crazy, it doesn’t even look like an email… more like an IM session between a spoiled brat and his imaginary friend.

    plus, I wouldn’t expect Edgefield Prison Camp has internet access, and it’s even less likely that they would let Hovind get near it if they did… What is god’s addy, anyway?

    🙂

  8. Kevin Scott says:

    Sorry, he’s asked me not to give it out.

  9. JanieBelle says:

    Nate! Wow, I’m honored!

    You’re like all famous and stuff.

    more like an IM session between a spoiled brat and his imaginary friend.

    I suspect I know the reason for that.

  10. JanieBelle says:

    Kevin, you’re so stingy.

  11. Amanda says:

    Janie, trust me – I’ve checked Kent Hovind out. I don’t like the guy. He deserves to be in prison.

    But that doesn’t mean that his relationship with God isn’t real. Of course it means that to you, who doesn’t believe in God at all. But God does speak to His children. He doesn’t send emails, or speak audibly, but He does speak. And come on, if anyone out there really believes that Hovind thinks that email exchange was real, then they need help. It was symbolic. God’s part in the “conversation” came entirely from Scripture and biblical principles.

    That’s what Random Internet Guy was making fun of, and that’s what made me amgry.

  12. Kevin Scott says:

    “He deserves to be in prison…but that doesn’t mean that his relationship with God isn’t real.”

    Uh, Amanda, yes it does.

    Kent isn’t a Christian. Kent is an obvious charlatan conman who uses a perverted gospel to take people’s money and convert it, unaccountably, to his own purposes.

    I John is clear about those who claim to know Christ but serve themselves rather than Christ. Matthew 7 does as well.

  13. JanieBelle says:

    Of course it means that to you, who doesn’t believe in God at all.

    Amanda, that statement is factually incorrect.

    While it is true that I do not literally believe in the vindictive, sociopathic, morally bankrupt, evil version of god depicted in the Judeo-Christian bible who goes by the name of Yahweh et al, and it is true that there is no positive evidence whatsoever for the existence of God, a god, or several gods, it is most certainly not true that I don’t believe there may be something greater than and/or outside this universe who may or may not have instigated the creation of this universe, and is “in charge” of oversight of this universe.

    I think I’ll withhold further comment on that for the moment, though. My religious leanings may deserve a post of their own.

    Before I submit this comment however, let me make one thing perfectly clear:

    Despite the fact that you and I disagree strongly on the nature of things, I retain a great deal of respect for you because you allow yourself to think outside the “norm” of your religion – a religion that generally speaking frowns on such things.

    Further, I consider you a dear friend and will continue to think of you that way despite our disagreement on this. I value that friendship enough that I will not allow this issue to jeopardize that friendship, no matter how heated or passionate this discussion becomes.

    All that said, fair warning to everyone else:

    Feel free to critique Amanda’s position as you feel the need, and do not presume it is necessary to mince words. Amanda’s a big girl, she can take it.

    But the minute your comments become personally insulting, I will not hesitate to remove you from the discussion.

    My blog, my rules, behold the door.

    Just so y’know.

  14. Amanda says:

    Well…thanks, I think. 🙂

    Kevin – I don’t presume to know if someone’s relationship with God is real or not. I’m not saying Hovind’s is or isn’t. His fruit would seem to indicate that there’s something wrong with that relationship, but he is a very fallible human (like the rest of us). But regardless of all of that…what he wrote was true. God does love Hovind. God loves you. God loves Janie. God loves everybody, whether they’re in prison or not.

  15. Kevin Scott says:

    Amanda,

    We are supposed to judge whether Hovind’s relationship with God is real or not. Not doing so allows charlatans like him to continute to abuse the weak in faith, even from behind bars. Satan is shown quoting scripture in the Bible, but it does not give him authority.

    And God doesn’t love everybody. Look it up.

  16. Amanda says:

    You know what? You win. You’re right, I’m wrong.

    Bye Janie, I’m leaving the blogosphere for an indefinite amount of time.

  17. JanieBelle says:

    Amanda, I’m sorry to hear that.

    Hope you’re back soon.

    Kisses

  18. […] Tip of the Mitre to Janie Belle at UDOJ. […]

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