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Quietly Naked In The Pouring Rain, The Dying Lover

An idea sprang into my head this morning that I thought you all might enjoy.

Kristine’s comment about Deacon Barry’s poem in our last contest inspired this idea.

How about we write several versions of the same event, from different points of view?

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to write a poem from the dying lover’s point of view.

Post your poems in the comments below, winner gets a guest post here at UDoJ. Entries may be submitted until 11:59 PM EDT (GMT -4) June 30, and voting between then and 11:59 PM EDT (GMT -4) July 7.

Quietly Naked In The Pouring Rain, The Dying Lover

Filed under: Literature, Poetry, Poetry Contests

24 Responses

  1. max says:

    if i had known this
    that i would die — ever cripes
    i would drown you first

  2. max says:

    Wow I hope that is a good thing it has been a while since I dusted off the poetry shoes.

  3. JanieBelle says:

    Of course it is, Max. I was just commenting on the force of it. The last line caught me totally off guard.

  4. […] Quietly Naked In The Pouring Rain, The Dying Lover […]

  5. Kristine says:

    God is dead, and soon shall I be,
    but not until you all hear from me!
    It’s just a flesh wound, and my PEH
    makes me invincible anyway!
    You’re all losers, but I’m generous –
    plug me at PZ’s and win my cuss!
    I’m so old that I’ll take you on.
    I’m a genius so tell me to get gone.
    Ban me or a coward you be, oh
    I’m almost Patton, I love it so!
    I swear I didn’t touch that girl.
    That ballerina surrealist Darwinian churl!
    Probably a man, “she’s” too smart,
    fingernails dirty from the local KMart.
    You can stab me, but you can’t hide.
    Go tell Elsberry’s Alamo I died!
    We’ve got them on the run, in a snit,
    VMartin, it’s hard to believe isn…?

    Sorry. 😉

    I JUST BANNED JAD FROM MY BLOG!

    Grrrrr.

  6. JanieBelle says:

    Oh, too funny, Kritine! What a thing to wake up to!

    Kisses

  7. Kristine says:

    I swear if those two dorks don’t leave my blog alone I’m going to have to write another poem. As it is I had to tell TweedlePEH Davison THREE TIMES that he was banned. (A true scientist, you know. Really quick on the draw, you know.)

    VMartin says he’s harmless.
    “I didn’t threaten you, Kristine.”
    Well, the worst is that he’s charmless.
    I thought my rant a total scream!
    But nevertheless, he stabbed JAD –
    What an evening I have had!
    I don’t care for either one.
    T’was hoping they’d climb each other some!
    😉

  8. […] Don’t Forget To Enter The Poetry Contest Quietly Naked In The Pouring Rain, The Dying Lover […]

  9. Quietly Naked in The Pouring Rain,
    The Dying lover, the painter boy
    Touched her face, the nooks of her body
    Elbows, Shoulders, Breasts, Ankles.

    His hands Traverse the expanse that is her
    Gently trying to read the lines,
    The joys and the sorrows she hides there
    In the folds that only he can touch

    He trashes his canvas, and spills the paint
    He makes her walk, rainbowed footsteps
    She makes her way to the gloom of his heart
    Leaving behind softly coloured footfalls.

    Slowly with fine strokes, he begins to work
    Daubing at her with a new shade of darkness
    When through, she is nowhere to be seen
    Only a shade… blacker than black

  10. JanieBelle says:

    Wow, very good, SoC!

    Bravo, and well done.

  11. […] Quietly Naked In The Pouring Rain, The Dying Lover […]

  12. Deacon Barry says:

    I’m torn by Deacon Barry

    I’m torn.
    My killer’s serrations
    Part my hyoid
    Cut my scream
    Divert my blood
    To a fine spray
    Draining……

    I’m torn.
    My wife’s deceit
    Gnaws my heart.
    My deceit
    Gnaws my conscience.

    I’m torn.
    My husband flings
    His wedding band
    My lover waits
    Naked in the pouring rain
    The element of surprise
    Favours him

    I’m torn.
    My lover flings
    His wedding band
    His rival dies
    Naked in the pouring rain
    All for love

  13. max says:

    Damn, Deacon. That is one tough poem.

  14. JanieBelle says:

    Indeed. (That’s my best Teal’c impression. Just so y’know.)

  15. […] Quietly Naked In The Pouring Rain, The Dying Lover […]

  16. d.vrai says:

    Death of a Bartender

    I swear,
    I knew not his bullet would pierce my spleen.
    I thought my hand quicker.

    I fear,
    We’ll not meet amongst the burnt gardens I’ll soon walk.
    Your garden is sure to be light as the sun above.

    I cry,
    That I will pleasure you no more.
    It is this that pleased me most.

    I regret,
    Dueling a man o’er spilt ale.
    The git spilt not one, but two!

    Please dear husband,
    Pour the bourbon, that my liver takes me ‘fore this breaking
    heart.
    It is a pain I cannot bear.

  17. JanieBelle says:

    You had me worried that you’d forgotten and would miss the deadline!

    Kisses

  18. […] were submitted in the comments in the contest thread and can be found at Quietly Naked In The Pouring Rain, The Dying Lover, as well as below the fold […]

  19. d.vrai says:

    glad I made it in! I’d not forgotten, but I did push it right up on the ol’ deadline. Life is more exciting that way, no?

  20. JanieBelle says:

    Alright people, Get over to the voting thread and get voting!

    Kisses

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