UDreamOfJanie

Dream a Little Dream of Me.

It’s A Damned Good Day

…to not live in Alabama.

The fundies have taken over the sex lives of millions of Alabamans.

A peek above our garters to Tom Joaquin, new contributor to Sex In The Public Square, and to Elizabeth for hosting him.

Q: When Is A Vibrator More Dangerous Than A Gun?

A: When you’re selling one in Alabama.

According to a federal court decision announced yesterday (Valentine’s Day!), it’s perfectly fine for the state of Alabama to criminalize the sale of sex toys. Just to put this in context — 41 years after the Supreme Court decided it was unconstitutional to restrict the sale of condoms, the Court of Appeals for the 11th Circuit thinks it’s fine for Alabama to jail (up to one year for first violation) or fine (up to $50,000) anyone who gets caught selling as much as a dildo. (PDF of the statue is here.)

Holy crap.

And as if the legislation isn’t completely insane enough, Elizabeth informs us in the comments that there are exceptions in the law for “for a bona fide medical, scientific, educational, legislative, judicial, or law enforcement purpose.”

I’d love to see an exegesis of that particular clause.

And it gets even more insane. The damned law was upheld by the Court of Appeals on the basis that it’s perfectly legal for the state to decide what your morals should be.

There is yet more to the story, take a moment to read it, and the next time some fundy whines about being “persecuted” for their beliefs, smack them in the frakkin’ head.

Just do it anonymously, because it would be perfectly legal in Alabama for that fundy’s 16 year old kid to go buy  25 assault rifles that very same day.

Just so y’know.

Filed under: Blogs In Our MonkeySphere, Equality, Fundies, Politics, Rants, Religion, Sex

23 Responses

  1. WhoreChurch says:

    The wife and I used an etch-a-sketch one time–does that mean it qualifies as a sex toy?

  2. JanieBelle says:

    Only if there was a vodka bottle involved.

  3. Either way the people of AL are getting fucked.

  4. Moxy says:

    Unbelievable. I’ll never understand why the government feels it’s within its power to legislate what goes on in our bedrooms.

    “the district court concluded that there was no currently recognized fundamental right to use sexual devices”

    “certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness”

    If sex toys don’t fall under “pursuit of happiness,” then nothing does. Stop trying to legislate morality.

  5. JanieBelle says:

    Amen to both of you.

    Rev, that’s pretty much the comment I made over at Sex In The Public Square.

  6. Kristine says:

    But what if people started (okay, this is way weird) using the assault rifles as, well, er, a means to stimulate the genitals?

    I mean, that would be one hell of a sit-in protest, huh?

    Either that, or I see one awesome smuggling opportunity. We could clean up (so to speak).

  7. Been there, done…

    um…

    I have no idea what you mean, Dear Kristine!

    🙂

  8. JanieBelle says:

    **hangs head to hide the giggles**

    Oh how did I know that was coming?

    …so to speak.

  9. WhoreChurch says:

    I vote everyone send a dildo to Patsy Riley, the first lady of Alabama. Imagine having hundreds of dildos show up at the Governor’s Mansion addressed to her.

    Make sure to send those oversized, black dildos or maybe one of the neon ones.

    Oh, and don’t send them in a box, just write the address on the dildo itself.

    I’ve heard that Governors get all sorts of presents, but they aren’t allowed to keep them. So they usually give them to the underprivileged. Imagine having the Patsy Riley Dildos for the Homeless Giveaway.

    Warms the cockles.

    Kristine: But where would you smuggle–oh wait, never mind.

  10. JanieBelle says:

    Kevin, I bow to your geniac depravity.

  11. WhoreChurch says:

    “Geniac”? Naw, it’s just reg’lar depravity. I don’t do anything beyond pretty much normal depravity. Furry handcuffs once in a while, but nothing truly groundbreaking.

  12. WhoreChurch says:

    But then again, I have been thinking of doing something groundbreaking, but I’ve kinda kept it a secret.

    It involves a badger, a midget, 3 ripe pears, a garden hose and a potato peeler. I still need to find the right lubricant. And in the testing I’m running out of midgets. Tough to keep them on hand, they keep going off to work at “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory II.”

    Oompa Loompa my ass.

  13. JanieBelle says:

    “Geniac”? Naw, it’s just reg’lar depravity. I don’t do anything beyond pretty much normal depravity. Furry handcuffs once in a while, but nothing truly groundbreaking.

    Methinks he doth protest too much…

  14. It involves a badger, a midget, 3 ripe pears, a garden hose and a potato peeler. I still need to find the right lubricant. And in the testing I’m running out of midgets. Tough to keep them on hand, they keep going off to work at “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory II.”

    What? No fireworks?

  15. WhoreChurch says:

    I tried fireworks already–kinda as a finale thing–but a petroleum based lubricant I was using caught fire. Have you ever seen a midget with 3rd degree burns on his rectum? Let me just say it’s not a pretty sight.

    We took some pictures for insurance purposes, so if I find them around here I’ll post them. I was lucky the little fella had already signed a waiver.

    Still I had to sit with him in the emergency room for three hours and all I could smell was charred midget butt.

    Of course afterwards he needed someone to put silvadene on his butt and pack it with cotton gauze. And of course he had to stay with someone while he recovered.

    If I never have to spread lotion on another midgets ass it will be too soon.

    I’m sorry I sound like such a downer this evening. It’s just frustrating to come up with the most original sex act ever in my mind, but not be able to bring it from conception to reality. I’m an artist. Some paint in oils, some in acrylics, I paint in badgers and midget ass.

    No one can squelch the creative spirit. It yearns to be free.

  16. WhoreChurch says:

    I think that is the funniest thing I have ever written–it should be my “signature” phrase, it should end up on my tombstone:

    “Some pain in oils, some in acrylics, I paint in badgers and midget ass.”

    I crack me up.

  17. This is sad as my family is from Alabama. I consider myself a southerner and these assholes just don’t know how to represent. They make the rest of us look like inbreds.

  18. WhoreChurch says:

    I’m from Kentucky Stiletto Girl, what’s wrong with being inbred? You’re just prejudiced. Some of our best Governors had a cousin as First Lady. We don’t has much choice.

    ‘course if you want come visit, I’m sure I can find a boy ‘r two happy to increase the gene pool. You look real purdy. Real purdy. And you got all your teeth.

  19. Pi Guy says:

    WhoreChurch: “…I paint in badgers and midget ass.” You crack me up, too!

    Kristine: “I mean, that would be one hell of a sit-in protest, huh?” Not exactly a ‘MLK in Birmingham’ kind of movement.
    I can hear it now: “You can have my sex toys when you pry them from my cold dead hands.”

  20. JanieBelle says:

    Kevin, that so needs to go in your AtBC siggy.

  21. WhoreChurch says:

    I haven’t been to the Bar in quite a while. I don’t know why. I started posting there back in August, but for some reason I just haven’t had the motivation to go over there lately.

    (This is probably too much information, but I’m going to share it anyway. Just smile, nod knowingly and pretend you care. Here we go…)

    I worked so little in 2006 I needed distraction from the boredom. Now I am using my mind to work, so I don’t have as much brain power left over to keep up with the siency folks at the bar. Also, for some reason, I just don’t want to go over there.

    Maybe it’s the same unknown reason I can’t sleep. Who knows.

  22. […] We see starving children on television and we adopt them. We send our check to the Red Cross. We donate toys to the needy in Alabama. […]

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Kate Once Said:

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Awards and Nominations


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