UDreamOfJanie

Dream a Little Dream of Me.

The Preacher In The Theatre

Angel With HornsI’m always amazed at the dichotomy. It really does just bewilder me sometimes.

I’ve always got one eye on the blog stats. It’s my job. As the author of this blog, my job is to write things that people will want to read, and so I need to know what types of things you as readers read the most, and write more of that type of thing.

After all, writing things that nobody wants to read only has limited usefulness to an author. Unless of course we’re talking about the author of a tax code or something.

This blog is not a tax code. I think we’re all pretty clear on that.

But you have a job, too. Your job is to let me know what you like to read. Tell me what interests you, and why. Partly, you do that involuntarily and indirectly through my stat counters. Partly, you do that through your comments.

And here’s the part that bewilders me.

I get an insanely larger amount of traffic to the eh…. more personal posts. Sometimes it’s an order of magnitude larger than the amount of traffic I get to the posts about current events or my thoughts on this or that topic.

But it’s almost an inversly proportional relationship to the number of comments. The sexier a particular post is, the more traffic it gets, but the fewer comments it gets, too.

I suppose that one possible explanation is that the readers of my more mundane stuff are a bunch of prudes who just don’t read the sexy stuff. But that’s not the case. I know it’s not, and you know it’s not.

Now, I’d never out anyone as to who reads what. I’m like your priest that way, so don’t concern yourself. What happens at UDoJ, stays at UDoJ in that respect.

But geez, people. You guys are reading The Itch like it’s the first time you ever saw a Hustler magazine. Some of you are reading it more than once. A handful of you are reading it over and over and over, and that’s a big compliment to me. Thank you. At least one of you is taking a very long time to read it each time, too. That compliment is the best one. You know who you are (as it happens, I don’t). 😉

But say something, Dreamers. Don’t be embarrassed. I won’t tell your husband or your wife. (You might consider that, though. They’d probably be thrilled to find out that you liked it, too! Yes, your husband/wife/bf/gf has been here and read it already. Several times.)

Look, it’s like Kate always says: If the preacher catches you in the X-rated movie theatre, he can’t really say much to anyone, can he? If he tells anyone he caught you in there, he has to admit that he was in there too, right? So you give him your sexiest “You know you want me” look, right dead in his eye. You run your tongue across your teeth, just for good measure. Give him a great big squeeze on his ass (or wherever else you’ve been dying to squeeze), and blow him a kiss over your shoulder on your way out the door. What’s he gonna do? File a police report? Get up on Sunday and start his sermon “So guess who I saw in the X-rated movie theatre last night while I was watching Debbie do all of Dallas”?

I think not.

Put your other hand back on the keyboard for just a second and speak up. You know you want to.

🙂

Kisses to you all, silent or not.

Filed under: About, Humor, Sex

15 Responses

  1. Janie:

    I enjoy reading all of your posts, I tend to comment sporadically only on the “serious” posts. I never read the erotic posts, except when I do. I’ll probably never comment on those post because I don’t want to put up against the wall when they track me down for reading that stuff. Also, I’m a prude.

  2. JanieBelle says:

    How ’bout being put up against the wall by me? I think you’d prefer that. I could wear a police uniform when I do it….

    😉

  3. Infophile says:

    Look, it’s like Kate always says: If the preacher catches you in the X-rated movie theatre, he can’t really say much to anyone, can he? If he tells anyone he caught you in there, he has to admit that he was in there too, right? So you give him your sexiest “You know you want me” look, right dead in his eye. You run your tongue across your teeth, just for good measure. Give him a great big squeeze on his ass (or wherever else you’ve been dying to squeeze), and blow him a kiss over your shoulder on your way out the door. What’s he gonna do? File a police report? Get up on Sunday and start his sermon “So guess who I saw in the X-rated movie theatre last night while I was watching Debbie do all of Dallas”?

    I’d like to note that this works particularly well (as in, particularly humorously) if you happen to be male.

    As for why I don’t tend to post comments on the “personal” posts, it’s just that I don’t often have that much to say. I might also comment on occasion when some joke springs to mind (see above), but after reading the “personal” posts, there are a few other things fighting to spring to the front of my mind, so Humor tends to give up.

  4. ericmurphy says:

    I have to say, I’m having a hard time believing you and Kate are real, Janie. What is that saying? On the Internet, no one knows you’re a dog? 🙂

    Sorry; I’m a born skeptic.

    But the writing is fantastic. Hence the skepticism.

  5. JanieBelle says:

    Hi infophile! I’m glad to be a distraction, and I hadn’t even thought about that from the male angle! Way too funny!

    As for Eric,

    HEY EVERYBODY, WE’VE GOT ANOTHER LIVE ONE HERE!

    Read the “Word about me” at the top of the sidebar. It’s not like it’s a secret.

    Eric, I’m surprised you’re in the dark.

    Just because we’re fictional, doesn’t mean we’re not real.

    Check out “All Good Things” in the “Some Classic Posts” part of the sidebar.

    Sorry you missed out on all the fun from the beginning, I think you’d have enjoyed the denouement.

    Thanks for the compliment on the writing, though.

  6. Kevin Scott says:

    Janie,

    Tell Lou I’m really not stalking him–though i might be stalking you and Kate. You sound somewhat entertaining.

    Anyway just a note from a former preacher – I was just there to witness to the lost and hand out pamphlets. Honest. Just like Jesus hanging out with prostitutes.

  7. ericmurphy says:

    Only because I’m new here, Janie, and haven’t poked around much yet. I was wondering if the “entirely fictional” was one of those “this statement is false” kinds of things.

    But I’ll do some research, and in the meantime, keep up the incisive commentary.

  8. ericmurphy says:

    …and, all I can say is, what a tremendous amount of work. 🙂

  9. JanieBelle says:

    Hi Kevin!

    The Boy has a pretty good sense of humor about that sort of thing, don’t worry about him.

    **gives Kevin the dirty smile, squeezes his ..butt.. and gives him a smile and a wave on the way out the door***

    Sure you were.

    eric,

    I thought you had visited us once or twice back on the old blogspot blog before the big announcement…

    It’s funny how often folks read a bunch of existentialism into that simple statement. You’re not the first, I’m sure you won’t be the last. We even get a few crush emails from time to time. Turns out, finding out that we’re digital doesn’t make a bit a difference, usually. We’re glad the crushers don’t mind that the crushees are fictional.

    It was quite the set-up originally, and it paid off in spades, I believe.

    I hope you’ll get past the fact that Kate and I are digital girls, and stick around!

    Kisses to you both.

  10. Patrick says:

    Would “I want more” be enough of a comment?

  11. JanieBelle says:

    I’ll take what I can get!

  12. ericmurphy says:

    Well, the fact that you quoted me (http://udoj.blogspot.com/2006/09/as-if-parallels-werent-striking-enough.html) should make me stop by every once in a while… 🙂

    Everyone likes to see their name in lights, even if it’s just on a blog somewhere.

  13. JanieBelle says:

    Agreed. I’m a total attention whore.

    😉

  14. How ’bout being put up against the wall by me? I think you’d prefer that. I could wear a police uniform when I do it….

    Gulp… :raises eyebrow:

  15. I’ll bet that eyebrow wasn’t the only thing..

    😉

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