Happy Birthday Greg

He didn’t know I was coming, it was a surprise from his readers.  Steph and Mike and Laurisa had approached me with the idea, and we’d all chipped in what we could.  Fortunately, our plan called for us to come up with enough cash for only one plane ticket.  Kate wouldn’t need one.

The guy at the airport was somewhat hesitant to check Greg‘s gift for me, being oversized and against the rules and all, but I had batted my eyelashes just so and whispered things in his ear to convince him to “forget” about all that airline mumbo jumbo.

The DHS girl had picked up that something was amiss, but a strategically placed index finger run from just behind her ear down to her throat while I explained the situation alleviated her concerns.  She was suddenly quite helpful, and half a ton of red tape miraculously disappeared.  It turns out she was a fan of Greg’s.  …and mine.

Greg was going to get his gift, and I was going to give it to him.

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So I arrived a bit early for the party, and fortunately Amanda had thought ahead and had him out shopping for things they didn’t really need.  Steph met me at the curb and helped me carry his present.  The box was big and heavy, and I had packed it in a hurry.  It slid and moved and banged around inside the box, and nearly caused us to drop it once.  I yelled at it to hold still, but that didn’t seem to help.

I’d worn my highest fuck-me heels and my favorite black micro mini-skirt, and while that was perfect for the presentation of Greg’s birthday gift, it wasn’t so great for the delivery of said birthday gift.  I cursed under my breath.  It suddenly dawned on me that we hadn’t considered the fact that though the plane ride was short and in nothing more than a puddle jumper, it had probably gotten freezing cold in the baggage compartment.  I voiced my concern to Steph and we set the gift on the porch, about to rip open the paper and bow to check on the gift.

Greg pulled up.  Damn.  There’d be no way of knowing whether the gift was OK until he opened it.  I was pretty sure it had survived as I knew just how tough it was, but in what condition?  Betting on my gift, we decided not to open it, and got Greg to help us get it into the living room.  Greg was helpful, but clumsy.  Several times I had to tell him to stop checking out my ass and pay attention.  He rammed the big box right into a door jamb once, and I couldn’t help but cringe.

Eventually we got the gift settled where it needed to be, and though Greg kept trying to convince us to let him open it, we just tormented him and distracted him with alcohol and my skirt.  I kept sneaking glances at Amanda, to make sure she wasn’t upset, but she seemed rather amused by it all, and almost as eager as Greg to open the gift.  She hadn’t impressed me in Greg’s mentions of her as the type that was particularly interested in what was in the box, but it wasn’t like he’d done an in-depth personal exposition of Amanda on the blog.

I just hoped that with all her eagerness, she’d be happy for Greg, and maybe get some personal enjoyment from his gift along the way.  In fact, I’d be happy if she wasn’t mad about it once he opened it.

Once we were all well Margarita-d up, it was time to open the gift, from all of us to Greg.   We made him sit down in a chair in the center of the living room, with nothing in front of him but our present.  Amanda pulled up a chair beside him, and I caught a sparkle of anticipation in her eye.  I really had to grit my teeth and hope for the best on this.

I strutted my best cat strut over to Greg and Amanda.

“Greg.  It’s your birthday.  We all want you to know how much we love and appreciate you.  We come and visit you every day, and as a thank you for all that you’ve given us, this is for you.  From us all.  Open it.”

Greg was like a five year old kid at Christmas.  He tore through that wrapping paper like… well like it was wrapping paper.

He got to the box, now stripped bare.

He pulled at the tape and after a few frustrating moments, got it loose.

He paused.

Amanda was on the edge of her seat, not even blinking.  We really should have told her what the present was.  I was beginning to sweat a little.

He gently and slowly lifted the flaps of cardboard.

His face began to glow.

Amanda blinked.  There was a strange look on her face.  It was shock.  It was horror.  Mostly it was disappointment.  My heart sank.  I had totally blown it.

As Greg began to gingerly remove the pieces of his Binford 2000 indestructible Linux based super-computer, all I could think about was the vast amount of time I had taken from his wife.  She’d probably never see him again.  She’d be a computer widow.  I had gone too far.  She’d never forgive me.

I walked over and knelt before Amanda.  I began to beg her not to hate me.  “I’m sorry, I didn’t…  I wanted… “  She didn’t let me finish.  She looked at me with a pain and sorrow that broke my heart and asked,

“So where’s Kate?”

From whence came the art:

That image is titled Gams by Cap’n Monky, and is licenced under the Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.0 license.

Filed under: Biology, Blogs In Our MonkeySphere, Education, Friends, Science, Happy Birthday Greg Laden